My first counselling session is with Quentin Corinth (better known as Quen) from The Thirteeth Hour by Trudie Skies, a truly brilliant story (and first in The Cruel Gods series) about the world of Chime and the twelve realms of the gods to which it connects. With each realm comes a different race of mortals. I highly recommend this excellent book for its vivid world and realistic, flawed characters.
And now, onto the counselling session!
Assessment Form
Name: Quentin Corinth
Age: 28
Reason for seeking counselling: I’ve been having awful dreams and visions lately, which come with the territory. I’m a Warden, you see, a Diviner at that, and I suppose work has been a little stressful lately. Honestly, I’d just like someone to converse with outside of my domain.
Have you tried counselling before?: I’ve spoken with counsellors inside of my domain, but Diviner aren’t the most sympathetic ear. I find their advice largely unhelpful. I’ve considered speaking with an Umber counsellor, but I’m not sure they’d understand the realities of being a Diviner.
How do you feel about being here?: Unsure. How are you with Diviner clients? I know my domain can be a little… Uncouth.
Do you have any goals for counselling?: I’d like to be able to sleep better at night.
Is there anything else you’d like me to know before your session?: Do these sessions include a free cup of tea?
Counselling Session
Lucy: Good afternoon! It’s lovely to meet you. Thank you for completing the assessment form. My name’s Lucy and I’ll be your counsellor for this session today. First of all, is it okay for me to call you Quen or do you go by anything else?
Quen: Quen is fine, thank you.
L: Great, Quen. Okay, so, I like to outline how I work as a counsellor at the outset of my sessions. I try to allow my clients to lead the counselling wherever they want to go. I’m not here to judge–so, don’t worry, you being a Diviner is no issue for me! You’ve very welcome here, and I can certainly provide tea. Now, I see you’ve noted on your assessment form that you’ve been having awful dreams and visions lately, and you’ve found work stressful. Would you like to tell me some more about that?
Q: Oh, where to begin? Work, well, there’s only so much I can divulge as the Wardens take confidentiality very seriously. With my rank, I’m allowed a certain amount of freedom, but my direct supervisor keeps me on a short leash, so to speak. He and I, well… We have a strained relationship. Lately I’ve wanted to investigate inequalities in the Undercity. You may have heard of the workhouses underground? I’ve reason to believe mortals are being mistreated inside them, however my supervisor won’t grant me permission to launch a proper investigation. We’ve butted heads before over cases and decisions, but this… I feel like he’s deliberately ignoring me and the situation at hand.
As for my visions, they get worse with stress. Part of being a Diviner means visions every now and then, and I should be grateful. My Father gifts me these visions for a reason, so I may act on them and make Chime a better place, but… Sometimes these visions feel like a curse. They’re violent. They keep me awake at night. And then I feel such ingratitude for receiving them.
And they’re getting worse. These visions. They’re never pleasant images of tea or scones. Why must visions always be so ghastly?
L: Well, firstly I’d like to assure you that everything you tell me will remain confidential. So you can tell anything you feel comfortable with, and be certain it will stay between us. And secondly, it’s evident you have a lot going on! You’ve got your strained relationship with your supervisor and wanting to investigate the inequalities in the Undercity, which both sound very stressful. It’s clear that the investigation means a lot to you, but you’re not getting the support you may need with it. On top of that, you’re getting these violent visions that are keeping you awake at night, which, I get the impression, are also causing you a deal of stress. If the visions get worse with stress as well, that’s a bit of a vicious cycle, isn’t it? It’s no wonder you wanted to talk all this through.
Q: My domain are a stoic lot. They have a ‘pull yourself up and get on with it’ attitude to dealing with life’s problems. But after a while, sheer stubbornness alone isn’t enough to help. Nor does it help that my domain seem to abhor conversations which display any kind of emotion. We’ve always been the aloof, anti-social types. If you’ve met a Diviner, you’ll know what I mean. But damn it, I enjoy conversing with others, but who would want to converse with me? A Diviner?
That’s partly why I’m here. Other than Eli—my supervisor—there’s no one else to speak to. Of course there’s prayer, there’s always prayer, but sometimes I think not even my own god understands me, and that’s a terrible, blasphemous thought.
I’ve not entertained guests in years. My apartment is a mess, truthfully. The other Wardens remain cordial, but I wouldn’t even say we’re acquaintances. I have a couple of friends, but they’re often busy, and usually only chat if they’re digging for a favour.
L: I’m getting an overwhelming sense of loneliness from what you’re saying, Quen. You seem disconnected from those around you, but that’s not what you want. I sense a real craving for connection.
Q: That’s the great joke, isn’t it? So many don’t trust my domain because they know the stereotypes – that a Diviner can see your past and future with a single touch. It’s true. We can. But that doesn’t mean we want to. But my gift… It’s warped in a way that it isn’t for my brethren. When I touch another… the first thing I see is their death. Not just see it, but experience it, as if it were my own death.
All my life I’ve avoided others, to avoid touching them. Can you imagine accidentally brushing up against someone and seeing how they will die in the future? How could you ever look them in the eye with that knowledge? Saints, I could never tell them.
I’ve seen… so many deaths of friends and colleagues. Visions that keep me awake at night. Recurring visions, as well. And that’s… Well, that’s why I can’t form connections with others. It’s easier that way.
L: Quen, that sounds like an incredible burden. It seems like it’s a weight you’ve been carrying around on your own for so long, you almost feel as though you have no choice but to continue to avoid connections. You say it’s easier this way, but I wonder whether you truly believe that. Because, from everything else you’ve said, it seems as though you truly do want that connection with someone else. But there’s this huge hurdle to overcome—the fact that you could see that person’s death if you touched them. Have you ever told anyone else about your visions?
Q: There’s a few who know. My Father, obviously, though He considers my visions a gift. My supervisor, Eli… We’re close. We attended the Chime University together. One of the very first visions I had was when I, ah, touched him, and I saw his death. He doesn’t know what I saw, but he’s aware of my visions. He takes advantage of them, actually, as part of my cases with the Wardens. The idea was if I saw a mortal’s death, I could use that vision to save them. But the visions are a set event in time. I’ve never been able to alter them. I’ve not saved a single life. But… At least I’ve been able to use them to solve some cases. Murders and the like.
I don’t think Eli really understands the nature of these visions and how they haunt me. Sometimes I wonder if he even cares.
I have another friend, Erosain, an Ember. We, ah, dallied once. It was partly to see if I could touch in that way without it triggering my abilities, and sadly, any touch seems to do it. He doesn’t know the extent of my visions – that I saw his death – just that I’m prone to getting them. I’m afraid our relationship didn’t go very far after that.
L: Your Father considers your visions a gift—how do you feel about them? Because, from what you’re saying, they’re quite a burden on you and your ability to form or maintain deep, intimate relationships—which is something you ultimately crave. You say you’re close to Eli and that he knows about your gift, but I get the sense that it feels as though he uses you as a means to solving cases, without truly understanding the extent to which these visions leave their mark upon you. With Erosain, your relationship was cut short because you saw his death, and that left you unable to continue your relationship with him.
I wonder if anyone who knows about your visions knows about the depth of their impact upon you. It seems as though you are really suffering in silence. Let me ask you this: if you could stop having these visions, would you?
Q: Well, gosh, I… That would be blasphemy to say. Father gave me these visions for a reason, and He is perfect in all His designs. I strayed once, you know. Into sin. Saints, I can barely even admit this. Father and Eli know of my sinful nature. That I dally when I shouldn’t, or drink too much whiskey. Father teaches us moderation in all things, but also that sin distracts from our path.
I wanted to be a tram driver, but Father gave me these visions so that I could become a Warden and serve Him as well as serve Chime. These visions are a gift. To reject them would be akin to rejecting my god, and I could never do that. I simply need to learn to live with them.
Other Diviner wear gloves. I’m not a fan.
L: I’m sorry if I caught you off guard there, that wasn’t my intention. I’d never want you to say anything you’re uncomfortable with. From what you’re telling me, there’s this idea that life would be simpler without the visions—you could be a tram driver. But you are loyal to your god and could never reject the gift He gave you. So you must learn to live with these visions. That sounds like such a simple thing, when you say it like that… and yet, from all you’ve told me, I don’t think it is. I wonder if you could tell me what learning to live with the visions would look like and mean for you.
Q: The Diviner approach would be to just get on with it, but you’ve seen how that works. Really, I’d like to just…. Forget. If possible. Forget the visions I see, the memories it gives me. That’s a burden all Diviner need to face at some point. Through touch, we see more than we should. The past. The future. Memories of lives that aren’t ours. I always considered it to be an invasion of privacy.
That’s why so many of my peers don’t interact with mortals of other domains. Only other Diviner understand the burden we carry. But other Diviner don’t always make great conversationalists.
I suppose those are my options. I try to converse with more of my domain. Or I find a means to forget.
Or perhaps I should speak with Elijah and get him to understand the stress I’m under. Do you think a holiday to Arcadia may help?
L: As a Diviner, you’re expected to just get on with it. Your peers don’t interact with mortals of other domains, but that doesn’t feel like an option you’d be happy living with. You seem like someone who is social, who enjoys connecting with others… if only you could simply forget these visions that plague you whenever you touch someone else. That seems like it’s easier said than done, though.
Now, I’d certainly say speaking to Elijah to explain the stress you’re feeling seems like a sensible option, at the very least so he understands the pressure you’re under. And a holiday… to me, holiday means rest, relaxation, recuperation. That seems like something that could also benefit you.
You state there are two options for you: to speak to more from your domain, other Diviner, or to find a means to forget… but maybe taking a holiday would help clear your mind. At the very least, lowering your stress levels would certainly benefit you. What do you think? Would clearing your mind with some time away help you to see the way forward?
Q: It can’t harm, can it? I don’t recall the last time I had a proper break from my duties within the past five years. In a way, Wardens are always on duty. It’s hard to shut off. Perhaps that’s part of the problem? Taking time to recuperate may ground me. That’s part of Diviner philosophy – to meditate on our path.
I could ask Elijah if he’d grant me time off. Somehow, I doubt he’d let me spend a week in Arcadia, he’d likely worry I’d spend the whole-time drinking wine, but perhaps a few days just to myself would be nice. I could visit some art galleries. Catch a play at the theatre. Do you think a hobby would make a good distraction? I’ve always wanted my own model railway.
A change is as good as a rest, so they say.
L: We’re coming towards the end of our session here, Quen, so I’ll summarise a bit of what I’ve heard. You have had a lot of stress to deal with at work. You’re exhausted from lack of sleep because of the visions you see when you touch another person. This has led to a lack of close relationships because of a fear of these visions. It’s evident to me that you are a person who craves closeness with others, so this has been really tough for you.
It seems as though there are certain people in your life that you speak to, and I’d encourage you to be as open as possible with them so that they can understand the burdens you’re under.
But I think you’ve also found some of your own ways forward. You say you haven’t had a proper break in the past five years. If nothing else, it sounds as though you need some rest. Going on holiday is something you want to do for you and would clearly benefit you, so I hope Elijah is understanding. Going to the theatre and some art galleries would certainly assist you on meditating your path!
A hobby is also a great idea. Something you can do for you and no one else. Why not get yourself that model railway you’ve always wanted? Take care of yourself, Quen. Your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.
It’s been lovely meeting you. Perhaps you can let me know how this all goes—I’d love to hear from you again. Until then, I wish you all the best.
Q: Thank you. It has been a welcome relief to just converse with another mortal outside of my domain, so I appreciate your ear, and your confidentiality. We’ve discussed things I doubt I’ll ever reveal to anyone else. For that, I appreciate your services.
I think I will speak with my supervisor and see what he has to say. I’m sure even he wouldn’t mind me indulging a few new hobbies. My apartment is already full of clutter, what harm will a little more do?
I’ll be off now, then. There’s work to be done after all, and there’s no rest for the wicked.
Oh, and thank you for the tea.
Thank you to Trudie Skies for taking part in this first counselling session with me.
You can connect with Trudie and keep updated on their latest books via Twitter and their author website.
Lucy A. McLaren 